She picked up her journal to write – she usually prefers writing with pen and paper but for today, she would type on her new ipad. She wanted to do something different.. she started writing…
Sometimes, the conversations during the day play around in mind and ofcourse because I am the centre of my universe, they become all about me- she wrote…

She had spoken to her partner about the importance of discipline in one of the many intense discussions they had….and this is one of those things that I need to do with discipline just like I watch netflix every single day. i just need to write….

Then why don’t I? The simple answer is that it is what it is and I do not want to take the pressure of doing something deliberately each day and fake the fact that I love it. Then will I move ahead or will I be stagnant? Have I done anything with discipline? Probably my job and that is why I have achieved what I did. Not a lot but a lot…

She put the ipad down to think for a while. It seems like a deep thought… there she goes… she thought – Just not ready to accept the common concepts.. God will need to save you girl….
She sipped on the dark and ugly coffee she had made and started penning down her thoughts again……

“I associate discipline with boredom and monotony and probably I just need to change the association of that term with joy and happiness and enjoy the process. How do I do that?
Writing gives me happiness. I would like to be a writer. One day I would like to be a published author. Then how is this so difficult? If you want to write, just write.
The coffee didnt seem to be working.. her head was spinning fast.. maybe I am talking to myself after a long time.. she thought – Gosh! What is going on here… where does time fly?
She needed a breather… she got up and sat on the outdoor day bed hoping her brain would slow down so she could get control of her thoughts…..

Everything is in place with my life. I am grateful to have a great job, home, family and health. I realised today that what I lack is some time with myself. And regardless of what I do, even when I pretend to meditate, I am just lying to myself and following a process rather than what will give me happiness. What does it mean then? – a time when the mind is blank? A time when I am at peace and thinking about how I feel? Taking a break from running around and just stopping to be aware? Taking some time to ask myself difficult questions? and answer them? Not worrying about if I come across sad or pensive or happy or disturbed or anxious or any other labels … but just look like me?
All I need to do and it is a little change… is I need to do the things I like more. Not worry about what I am not completing on my trello board or my vision board but ensure I am doing all the things I love anytime I want, for as long as I want – rather than what should be done, what I would like to do.
“Sometimes in life, when you are amongst people “…….- She thought . She then stopped.. well if I come first. Who are these people? – These are people we love and we care for and have a responsibility towards.
Sometimes, the expectations are high but what for?