As the new year starts, She thought of something that she should have long ago. She decided to write a letter to herself. She decided to be her own friend and talk to her. This year had been tough in terms of being silent. She had a lot of pent up emotions that needed to be let out. She needed her best friend and she needed her now. For a long time, she had relied on the hope of being able to talk to people who asked her how do you feel. If they ask that is. Nowadays, she had observed that since there were days dedicated to “are you okay” everyone seemed to be waiting for the day to ask – sometimes in particular for the social media. ” the world isnt so bad after all” she thought. With the new year, she felt an uncontrollable urge to shed everything and return to the woman she was. She wanted to return to her base camp and start from the basics.

She closed the room door even though her home was not noisy and sat quietly in her happy place. This was her work, music and art room and she felt the happiest here..the room itself didnt have much but it was her space. She felt in peace, silent and with herself. She also loved to medidate and excersise in this room – it almost seemed like whaterever she did for herself, she did it here. It was her own little paradise.

She opened the window and could heear the birds chirp as though supporting her decision to be hereself. “Well, thats another trap” – she thought. The statement – everyone around her seemed to be telling her or anyone and everyone to be themselves, it had also become a marketing gimic but did anyone really understand what it meant? Did anyone really care if she was herself? Did anyone really know what that meant? – or did people close to her wanted her to be what “they thought was her” and what suited them. Did anyone ask her what it meant to be herself for her? – the answer was no. “Interesting” she thought.

A lot of times, people around her thought they knew her.. She would let them believe so – and why would I do that? – huh! – She had a reason – she did not want to hurt them. What she did not realise was, very soon, it becomes a fact and when people claim to know her better than herself – it becomes an uncontrollable fact – after a few years she has started believing that she did for a fact not know herself that well – “That was dumb” – she thought.

Each of us know ourselves better than anyone knows us and thats because we feel ourselves, the thoughts are personal, the feeling of being ourselves is personal and no one can take it away from us. You may be lucky to have people around who “Believe” in you. Never, can they “know” you better than you do – she started penning down her thoughts and the words just started pouring out.

As she wrote, she realised that believing in the fact that she knew herself better than anyone else is not a crime. It did not mean she was closed to other people’s opinion – it did not mean she could not change, it simply meant declaring that she knew herself better than anyone could ever know her.

That also did not mean that she was not going to listen to anyone who thought they knew her well. She did not need to be arrogant or difficult about it – she did not have to prove anything to them. All she needed to do was not internalise…… what she thought of herself always stayed the top priority and she was always the centre of her universe and nothing could destroy it…

I also want to talk about internalising – she thought – but will let this thought sink in this new year! She was already feeling a lot more confident than she started …who knows this letter could also resonate with someone else she did not know. She closed her ipad and sat quietly sipping her tea.